After my time offline I wasn’t really planning or thinking about dating. In fact, it’s been a long while since I last met up with someone…it just doesn’t pay off lately… However, last week I got a message from a guy on Grindr and I was in a good mood, so I engaged in a conversation. No picture first (meh!), but later he happened to be really handsome and attractive! I’m not going to lie, that definitely got my attention…
(And bear with me…this is going to be a ‘let’s put you in context first’, long, entry.)
Let’s call him Libra – and for those of you who know some Libra and Aries…you may already be thinking that…no, this won’t be easy.
Libra is in his mid-thirties, lovely blue eyes, lovely smiles…he works in another city (45 mins from here) but spends time in a house he’s got closer (20 mins from where I live).
We started chatting and eventually decided to meet the same day (or evening, rather). Friggin’ cold night. He came to pick me up and we went for a walk along the beach.
It was great, it really was. Although, I realised that he’s of the ‘teasing’ type (talking about jokes here!). This can be fun, but also annoying when you’re trying to avoid a ‘serious’ topic…And, in the long run, you just don’t know if he’s actually interested or just all pally…
The first ‘huh’ moment was when, after asking me if I had to go early home (to which I -obviously- replied ‘No’) he just drove me home.
As simple as that.
Now, call me paranoid, but I thought he just didn’t want thing to develop from there. As it happens…he did, later on (because we had a long conversation in the car) he told me that, since I had put me security belt as soon as we got in the car, he assumed I wanted to go home.
This part would be key in the following conversations.
It was nice nevertheless. We kissed (yay!). And the date ended.
The second ‘huh’ moment was chatting on WhatsApp. I was trying to ‘read’ him, to see if he enjoyed himself. At the end I just: ‘Hey, joke aside. I really enjoyed myself today! Would love to get to know you more, If you want, of course’.
Answer? ‘It’s just 20 mins.’
I wanted to be upset, but I just LOLed. I was maybe expecting a ‘Yeah, sure.’ But ‘It’s just 20 mins.’ Wasn’t ready for that!
He had to go back to the other city for work, so we kept chatting via WhatsApp…a lot… but still no sign of a clear, out-spoken interest. And yes, to me that’s important.
I need to know if the person is in, or not.
This weekend he has a couple of day, se he came back. Now, I was truly hoping that he’d make time for us to spend some quality time and get to know each other…but it didn’t happen.
The first day, he said he was going to a mall that was close to my house, and whether I wanted to join him, which I did. We had a nice time, and he drove me again home. More chatting and quite more kissing (a bit heated up this time!). He told me that he’d probably drive back to the other city the next day, and meet some friend before that, so I assumed that was it.
The third ‘huh’ moment is when I went back to Grindr to check first chat we had and I realised it wasn’t there. Weird. I thought I may have blocked him accidentally?
I opened the app in another device…and there he was.
I thought it was really weird…it’s not like we have anything yet…why blocking me?
In this situations I prefer to just talk with the person. ‘Hey! You didn’t have to block me on Grindr LOL *wink* *wink* Went to check some pics you sent me and you’re not there!’.
Answer: ‘I deleted the app.’
Me: ‘You’re still online.’
Answer: ‘Must be my tablet, it keeps it always online automatically.’
Let’s get something clear. This is not a big deal. But I hate being lied to. I truly do. It just make it impossible for me to trust that person again.
(Note: Grindr profiles are individual across devices. Had he deleted his Grindr app, I wouldn’t be able to see that one, but would definitely be able to see the one in the app.
Note 2: I’m do IT stuff. If you’re going to lie, lie about stuff I don’t know about!)
Anyway, I decided not to mention it. I really wanted to give him a chance.
We had been joking about me giving him a massage, and me owing him the massage, etc… And yesterday evening (like 21h. evening) when I was hinting that ‘I’d have to do something for dinner’… he reminded me that I owed him that. I took his hint and offered to go where he lives, but then he noted that he couldn’t be awake until late…
Let’s stop here. Yes, I was expecting him to invite me to spend the night, or at least have dinner, or watch a film, or talk for hours! Anything really.
But not ‘Yeah come here give me a massage, but don’t stay long’. That’s sounds more like an ‘excused’ sex-date…which we all can get plenty off!
So I told him that it was going to get late, and if he was planning to be on the road early, we should better do it another day with more time.
Answer: ‘As you want. Just remember that I don’t live in this city.’
And I snapped.
For those who know Aries well…you know how it works. It’s just 5 mins. If you can endure it, everything is fine. And if you like the Aries, you will endure it. It pays off.
I told him that I was getting a bit tired of always taking the initiative, and only getting teasing and joking in return.
Some of the teasing hadn’t been very good either…It’s okay to tease, but sometimes it gets close to mocking. Asking whether I had ‘any gay friends’ (which I don’t really…not a gay scene person), joking about the ‘girly’ drinks (WTH is that even supposed to mean?) I usually drink… It’s just not nice.
So, of course, he kind of ‘WTF?’-ed. He didn’t like it. I realised it, but it was too late.
I tried to explain and elaborate — but I guess it was too late too.
We’re still chatting, and he said that he didn’t want to break contact. But, of course, it is not the same.
On the one hand, I know that I overthink everything…too much. That I might have been selfish here, expecting too much.
On the other hand, I am tired of putting so much things that don’t give back to me. On someone that won’t at least say ‘Hey, I’m really looking forward to meet you again!’
And here I am, going through everything I said and thinking about whether I simply messed up very badly…or it wasn’t just me, and was doomed to happen.
Anyway, I’m glad to be back and be able to share some of this stuff here!